B-Movie Review: Santa's Slay

Synopsis:

The evil Santa Claus turns out to actually be the spawn of Satan, and he's wreaking havoc on Hell Township. He's been forced to be nice for 1000 years, but that time is up. Now Santa is returning to his evil ways, and only one of the angels and his grandson can stop Santa.

Tim's Opinion:

Santa's Slay has got to be one of the most laughable Christmas "horror" movies ever. The acting is actually not too bad, it's the plot and some of the one liners that make this movie so good:

• "I'm Santa Claus, not f***ing Dracula"
• "Christmas sure can scare the Dickens out of people"

Bill Goldberg actually plays his role of the evil Santa pretty well. (A Jewish Santa?). I always enjoyed watching him as a wrestler, and I enjoy seeing him in this movie. Robert Culp plays a crazy old man, who turns out to be not so crazy after all, and when is Robert Culp not enjoyable to watch?

Of course, we already knew from the old Rankin Bass Christmas specials that Santa Claus was evil, but Santa's Slay takes that evil over the top. The movie is a great blend of horror and comedy. Although it is somewhat of a horror movie, there really isn't a lot of blood and gore, but there are plenty of scenes and lines to make you laugh. One thing I don't get though, is the reindeer pulling the sleigh... it looks a lot more like a white bison to me, but I suppose a bison looks more sinister and evil than a reindeer.

I've only seen Santa's Slay twice, but it's definitely one of my favorite Christmas b-movies. If you want a good Christmas laugh, you need to check this movie out.

Lisa's Opinion:

Do you like action, wrestlers, horror and something a little different rolled up into one for a Holiday movie? Santa's Slay has it. Just when you think you know the origins of Santa Claus, Santa's Slay tells of a completely different tale of this Christmas icon.

Starring wrestler Bill Goldberg, Santa is actually a demon who goes on a killing spree every Christmas until an angel makes a bet with him and Santa loses. As a result, Santa must become the kind, generous character that everyone knows and loves for 1000 years. The 1000 years have passed and Santa is back on his killing spree, complete with his Christmassy killing weapons and his sleigh that is pulled by a bison. A bison which the people in the small town call Hell, mistakenly take for a reindeer.

Who would have ever thought Santa can be so evil? Was Rankin Bass onto something when they showed the "less than stellar" sides of Santa?     

B-Movie Review: The Brain That Wouldn't Die

The Brain That Wouldn't Die 1962
Doctor Bill Cortner has been illegally experimenting with transplanting severed limbs, with little success. When he and his girlfriend Jan are in a car accident, he keeps her severed head alive in a pan, and then goes looking for a body to put her head on.

Tim's Opinion:

This is what B horror movies are about, bad acting, and little, no, or cheesy special effects. This movie has them all. The actors were either overacting, or underacting (especially in the case of Dr. Cortner). The car crash effects are almost as bad as those in "Orgy Of The Dead". There is a certain suspense as we're left wondering until the end of the movie, just what is in the closet. When it tore Kurt's arm out of it's socket, I thought it might be a Wookie. Wookies have been known to do that, you know. But it turns out his arm was just tucked into his shirt. But it turns out, that the creature in the closet was a bad imitation of Sloth from "The Goonies".
One thing that I was left wondering is how the hell did Jan's head manage to talk without a body or lungs? And is the movie called "The Brain That Wouldn't Die", or "The Head That Wouldn't Die", as stated on the ending title card.

Really, it is the ridiculous acting, and the cheesy horror movie story line that make "The Brain That Wouldn't Die" enjoyable, especially after a beer or two. This is one of those movies that is fun to watch with friends, and just joke all the way through it.

Lisa's Opinion:

The Brain That Wouldn't Die; A masterpiece of B movie horror that has made one of Mystery Science Theater 3000's choices of movies. Filmed in 1962, it stars Jason Ever's as Dr Cortner; a plastic surgeon that is very promising and has used human beings as guinea pigs for his experiments against the wishes of his father; who was also his supervisor. One day, Dr Cortner and his fiance, Jan, were involved in an automobile accident and Jan was decapitated. Confident in his abilities, Dr Cortner was determined to save his beloved by keeping her brain alive in his personal laboratory and replacing her body with that of the local hottie; by the name of Doris Powell, a figure model at a local college that has had her face disfigured. While Dr. Cortner was searching for that "ultimate body" for his fiance, Jan, now a literal talking head, gets aquatinted with a guy, who toward the beginning of the movie, sounds like he had a bad case of food poisoning. We never see this guy because he is locked away throughout the movie, all we know that he sound like something is wrong with him. One day, Jan, the talking head and is sick and tired of it, and the guy with the weird sounds on the other side of the doorway, who we discovered is actually a monster type being that somewhat resembles Sloth from The Goonies, finally escapes.

The Brain That Wouldn't Die is full of certain "special effects" that only B movies poses. .  For example,

The credits themselves read, "The Brain That Wouldn't Die" at the begriming of the film and " The Head That Wouldn't Die" at the end.

Right before Jan and Dr Cortner's accident, you may hear the squeal of the tires before you see him actually apply the breaks,

And others....

So, if you are planning an iconic b movie night, The Brain That Wouldn't Die would be a great choice in your lineup.