Showing posts with label b-movie. Show all posts
Showing posts with label b-movie. Show all posts

Saturday, April 6, 2013

B-Movie Review: Horrors Of Spider Island


Horrors Of Spider Island, a.k.a. Body In The Web


 Synopsis: 

 A group of dancers and their manager crash into the Pacific Ocean on their way to Singapore. They find their way to an island inhabited by giant spiders. When the manager, Gary, gets bitten by a spider, he begins to turn into a spider.

 Tim’s Opinion:

 There have been some cinematic masterpieces from Germany… Nosferatu, Metropolis, etc. Horrors Of Spider Island is certainly not one of them. The dialog is clearly dubbed in English, and pretty badly dubbed at that. The dialog is extremely cheesy, and the special effects are certainly low budget. I have to admit though, that this is a fun movie to watch, and to joke along with. This is certainly not a movie for arachniphobes… on the other hand, the spiders are very few, and don’t even look like spiders, so maybe arachniphobes will be fine.

Supposedly, when Gary is bitten by the spider, he starts turning into one. But the makeup, looks more like a werewolf than a spider. And they find a “revolver” in the cabin on the island. But later on, Joe inserts a magazine into this “revolver”, then later, when he is about to shoot it, he cocks the “revolver” by pulling back the slide. And I have a question… the plane that took off was a two engine plane, and the plane that crashed had 4 engines. Where did the plane get the extra two engines? I know that planes can be refueled in flight, but I didn’t know that they could have engines installed in mid-flight.

 Anyhow, this is not a great movie by any means, but if you’re the kind of person who likes to insert jokes into a movie (like me), you’ll have fun with this one.

Lisa’s Opinon:

 Oh, the horrors!! The horrors!!

 This movies is about a group pf dancers who get on a plane heading to Singapore for a performance. Along the way, the plane somehow changes in mid air and crashes into the ocean. The ladies and their manager, Gary, end up in the middle of the ocean and eventually find and island: which appears somewhat flat in the beginning, but ends up having cliffs. They paddle toward the island and end up on the island. Unfortunately, there is a resident "spider" that doesn't seem to be happy about sharing his island with anyone else. Upon seeing the new inhabitants, I think this spider flipped them the bird. He also displays several other talents before he gets killed such as: making steel or plastic like webs in the lone cabin (sleeping person included), choking the manager after getting some serious air time and of course biting before meeting his fate. He was killed by Gary with a revolver that looked more like a semi automatic pistol. Soon after, Gary, who was bitten by the spider, turns into a Wolfman like being that kills a couple of the girls while spying on the rest on them.

 In the meantime, the girls try their best to survive on the island while the music in the background resembled something more like an empty urban street in the middle of the night. Which I think is was meant to be be sexy. I guessed that's why they used it. Well, it did feature sultry alto saxophone solos throughout the entire film.

 I could say more, but I think you should see this for yourself.
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Saturday, December 1, 2012

B-Movie Review: Santa's Slay

Synopsis:

The evil Santa Claus turns out to actually be the spawn of Satan, and he's wreaking havoc on Hell Township. He's been forced to be nice for 1000 years, but that time is up. Now Santa is returning to his evil ways, and only one of the angels and his grandson can stop Santa.

Tim's Opinion:

Santa's Slay has got to be one of the most laughable Christmas "horror" movies ever. The acting is actually not too bad, it's the plot and some of the one liners that make this movie so good:

  • "I'm Santa Claus, not f***ing Dracula"
  • "Christmas sure can scare the Dickens out of people"

Bill Goldberg actually plays his role of the evil Santa pretty well. (A Jewish Santa?). I always enjoyed watching him as a wrestler, and I enjoy seeing him in this movie. Robert Culp plays a crazy old man, who turns out to be not so crazy after all, and when is Robert Culp not enjoyable to watch?

Of course, we already knew from the old Rankin Bass Christmas specials that Santa Claus was evil, but Santa's Slay takes that evil over the top. The movie is a great blend of horror and comedy. Although it is somewhat of a horror movie, there really isn't a lot of blood and gore, but there are plenty of scenes and lines to make you laugh. One thing I don't get though, is the reindeer pulling the sleigh... it looks a lot more like a white bison to me, but I suppose a bison looks more sinister and evil than a reindeer.

I've only seen Santa's Slay twice, but it's definitely one of my favorite Christmas b-movies. If you want a good Christmas laugh, you need to check this movie out.

Lisa's Opinion:

Do you like action, wrestlers, horror and something a little different rolled up into one for a Holiday movie? Santa's Slay has it. Just when you think you know the origins of Santa Claus, Santa's Slay tells of a completely different tale of this Christmas icon.

Starring wrestler Bill Goldberg, Santa is actually a demon who goes on a killing spree every Christmas until an angel makes a bet with him and Santa loses. As a result, Santa must become the kind, generous character that everyone knows and loves for 1000 years. The 1000 years have passed and Santa is back on his killing spree, complete with his Christmassy killing weapons and his sleigh that is pulled by a bison. A bison which the people in the small town call Hell, mistakenly take for a reindeer.

Who would have ever thought Santa can be so evil? Was Rankin Bass onto something when they showed the "less than stellar" sides of Santa?     

Tuesday, July 3, 2012

B-Movie Review: When Nature Calls

When Nature Calls (1985)

Synopsis:

A burned out construction worker takes his family to live in the wilderness.

Tim's Opinion:

I have found Troma movies to be hit or miss. This one... I'm not sure. It was certainly bizarre. It did have us laughing at some parts, and wondering WTF at others. One of the WTF moments was certainly Bambi falling in love with the bear. I mean Bambi the teenage daughter, not Bambi the cute little fawn from the Disney movie. And then the scene with the Indian wrestling with the cougar. I'm guessing the cougar was upset that the Huskies won the Apple Cup once again. In addition there are the weird, inexplicable interruptions by Morey Amsterdam and Fred Blassie.

Aside from the theme song, a lot of the music sounded like something from a Disney nature documentary. It's only the bad jokes that make it clear that it is a Troma movie, not Disney. Actually a lot of the gags made it look like a bad Zucker Brothers movie in the same vein as Naked Gun or Airplane.

This movie was good for a few laughs, but I've definitely seen better comedies. Although I have to admit it is one of the better Troma movies that I've seen, but I have seen better.

Lisa's Opinion:

When Nature Calls, aka The Outdoorsters, made in 1985 by the crew from Troma, is a spoof off of the old 1970s "get back to nature movies" such as Swiss Family Robinson or Grizzly Adams. Actually, they are not exactly like the Swiss Family Robinson or Grizzly Adama. The daughter, by the name of Bambi, has some strange tastes in dates. In fact, she literally dates animals as it is revieled in a relationship she has with a Grizzly Bear. Little Billy, a suscriber to Capitalist Pig magazine still continues his obsession with money as he tries to undertake many money making ventures in the middle of nowhere. Even the dog, Squirt, develops a taste for tranquilizers at the end. 

Meanwhile, several people are intervied to find out why this family decided to leave. We have a psychologist who reveals how disturbed Bambi and the rest of the family is while he challengess the interviewer to a wrestling match. We have Morey Amsterdam as just being himself, and even a brother of the Native American friend of the family, Weejun as well as the cougar's ex girfriend who instist that the cougar was not stalking Weejun. 

Just when you are glued to a climatic scene in the movie, it goes to intermission. Like the usual intermission clips, the food dances on a stage and may make you think, "Hmmmmm, good idea, let's all go to the lobby to get ourselves a treat". However, as the clip progresses and various drugs present themselves and the food, especially the hot dogs, engage in certain unsavory activities, you may end up thinking "On Second though, let's NOT go to the lobby to get ourselves a treat. I take it that they are really unsavory". So, I take it as a lesson that it's best to bring your own.

Overall, this movie has me thinking, " Did they have a little too much city air or too much wilderness air when they wrote this?"